Step Brother Quotes That Hilarious And Ridiculous

Step Brother Quotes – Brennan Huff and Dale Doback are both about 40 when Brennan’s mom and Dale’s dad marry. The sons still live with the parents so they must now share a room. Initial antipathy threatens the household’s peace and the parents’ relationship. Dad lays down the law: both slackers have a week to find a job. Out of the job search and their love of music comes a pact that leads to friendship but more domestic disarray compounded by the boys’ sleepwalking. Hovering nearby are Brennan’s successful brother and his lonely wife: the brother wants to help sell his step-father’s house, the wife wants Dale’s attention, and the newlyweds want to retire and sail the seven seas.

Step Brothers received mixed reviews from critics. On Rotten Tomatoes, the film has a rating of 55%, based on 180 reviews, with an average rating of 5.5/10. The site’s critical consensus reads, “The relentless immaturity of the humor is not a total handicap for this film, which features the consistently well-matched talents of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly.”At the website Metacritic, which utilizes a normalized rating system, the film has a score of 51 out of 100, based on 33 critics, indicating “mixed or average reviews”.

However some of us still favorits this movie and want to recall the quotes on it. So here are the lists.

Step Brother Quotes

“I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” — Dale

“My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!” — Brennan

“I’m fucking miserable, I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” — Dale

“Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled ‘rape’ at the top of your lungs.” — Nancy

“That’s so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur — Dale

“Dane Cook, pay–per–view, 20 minutes, let’s go!” — Derek

“Why are you so sweaty?” — Dale “I was watching Cops — Brennan

“You know what gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends ” — Derek

“I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.” — Brennan

“You don’t even look good when you’re singing ” — Derek

“One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands ” — Dale

“Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go!” — Dale

“You and your mom are hillbillies, This is a house of learned doctors.” — Dale

“Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” — Dale

“I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” — Derek,

“What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” — Brennan

“I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina — Alice

“I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!” — lumberjack Brennan

“We sail around the world and go port to port / Every time I come I produce a quart” — Prestige Worldwide, “Boats ‘n’ Hos”

“Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. Brennan I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” — Dale

“This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.” — Dale

“I feel like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my penis!” — Brennan

“So many activities!” — Brennan

“Did we just become best friends?” — Brennan

“Maybe someday we could become friends, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan

” Nancy Huff: You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.
Brennan Huff: It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazin’ that s**t up every day. ”

Brennan Huff: I used to smoke pot with John Hopkins. It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering, and they would blaze that shit every day.

“Dale Doback: Dad, I’m doing this because I love you. Fuck you.
Dr. Robert Doback: Anything else?
Dale Doback: No, bon voyage! Have a great time!”

Dale Doback: It was the Asbestos in the house, that’s what did it!

” Dale Doback: You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learning doctors.
Brennan Huff: you’re not a doctor. you’re a big fat curly headed fuck. ”

Brennan Huff: Hey Derek, Sprechen ze dick!!!

Dale Doback: I am warning you, if you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.

“Dale Doback: OK on the count of three name your favourite dinosaur, don’t even think about it just do it. 1, 2, 3
Brennan Huff: Philosoraptor
Dale Doback: Philosoraptor
Brennan Huff: Favourite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to.
Dale Doback: Good Housekeeping.
Brennan Huff: Good Housekeeping
Brennan Huff: If you were a chick who’s the one guy you’d sleep with?
Dale Doback: John Stamos.
Brennan Huff: John Stamos”

“Dale Doback: Dad please shut up
Brennan Huff: PLEASE SHUT UP!”

Brennan Huff: I’m gonna fill, a pillow case, full of bars of soap, and beat the shit out of you!

Brennan Huff: You keep your liver spotted hands off of my beautiful mother! She’s a saint!

“Brennan Huff: oh ya? oh ya? well you’r a curly headed fuck!
Brennan Huff: You’re not a doctor… you’re a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!”

“Derek: Or Randy here is going to eat your dick…
Randy: Like Kobayashi!”

Brennan Huff: I have a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this shit on me?

“Dale Doback: Did you rub your balls on my drums.
Brennan Huff: No, I was watching cops.
Dale Doback: I know for a fact that cops doesn’t come on till 4:00.”

Dale Doback: It’s just like cold case files, it’s just like cold case files.

Brennan Huff: I’m not gonna call him dad not even if their’s a fire.

“Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On planet bull shit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of this sucks camel dick!”

Brennan Huff: If you’re referring to me as butt buddy, then yes, I do have a name: and it’s Brennan Huff.

“Brennan Huff: Dale: (Sarcastically laughs) Last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.
Dale Doback: [sarcastically laughs] Last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.”

Brennan Huff: Last week i put liquid paper on a bee… And it died.

” Dale Doback: Here’s a scenario for you. Lets say Nancy catches me getting out of the shower. And she thinks I look good. And she sees my chest pubes all the way down to my ball fro, and she says iv’e had the old bull, now I want the old calve. Then she grabs me by the wiener.
Dale Doback: Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, “” Oh, my God, I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf,”” and she grabs me by the weiner.
Dr. Robert Doback: DALE SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Doctor: SHUT THE FUCK UP! ”

” Brennan Huff: I tea bagged your drum set!
Dale Doback: Oh yeah,well my drum set’s a guy,so that makes you gay! ”

“Dr. Robert Doback: Alright thats it! You guys leave me no choice! No television for a week!
Dale Doback: WHAT!?
Nancy Huff: We are so serious!
Brennan Huff: You’re fuckin high!
Nancy Huff: This remote goes in Roberts room…and it stays there…
Brennan Huff: This house is a fuckin prison!
Dale Doback: On planet bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of this sucks camel dicks!”

Dale Doback: You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.

Brennan Huff: When you fall asleep, I’m gonna punch you square in the face

“Dale Doback: You should have never let us make bunkbeds! It was a terrible idea! There’s blood everywhere!
Dale Doback: Dad, Nancy, it’s bad. It’s so bad. There’s blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why’d you let us do that? It’s so bad!”

Brennan Huff: I’ve been called the songbird of my generation by people who’ve heard me. That good.

Brennan Huff: You geriatric f***! You better keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother, who is a saint, or else I’ll shove one of your hearing devices up your ass so you can hear the sound of your own small intestines producing shit!

” Dale Doback: OK, imagine this – I’m stepping out of the shower. I’m looking good. I have a nice V of chest pubes going all the way down to my ball fro. Nancy takes one look at me, and thinks, ‘I got the old bull. Now I want the young calf.’ And she grabs me by the wiener…
Dr. Robert Doback: SHUT THE F*** UP!!!! ”

“Nancy Huff: Dr. Doback when to Northwestern and John Hopkins. Is that good enough for you?
Brennan Huff: No.
Nancy Huff: Those are very prestigious schools.
Brennan Huff: I smoked weed once with Johnny Hopkins. He was blazin that shit up every day.”

“Dr. Robert Doback: Is this your purse in the freezer?
Nancy Huff: Yes … it’s Brennan … he sleepwalks.
Nancy Huff: Yes, it’s Brennan… he sleepwalks.
Dr. Robert Doback: Are you serious? Dale sleepwalks, too. Check the oven.
Nancy Huff: Couch pillows.”

Alice: I pleasured myself this evening to the image of you punching my husband.

Dr. Robert Doback: When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world, I made my arms short and I roamed the back yard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared, everybody knew me and was afraid of me, and one day my dad said “Bobby you are 17, it’s time to throw childish things aside” and I said “OK Pop”, but he didn’t really say that he said that “Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job”.

Dale Doback: Okay, here’s the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!

Dale Doback: The only reason you’re living here is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot, and maybe we should just both bang her, and we’ll put up with the retard in the meantime.

” Derek: I have to sell or lease at last 80 helicopters to make my nut. And you… You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick.
Randy: Like Kobayashi.
Randy: [makes eating noise]
Derek: I’ve seen him do it.
Brennan Huff: You’ve actually seen him eating a man’s penis?
Derek: It was in international waters, so they couldn’t prosecute him. But I saw it.”

” Dale Doback: Why do you have Randy Jackson’s autograph on a martial arts weapon?
Brennan Huff: Cause I bumped into him and all I had on me was this samurai sword… And you’re not gonna not get Randy Jackson’s autograph, Right?
Dale Doback: I would’ve done the exact same thing.”

Brennan Huff: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!

” Brennan Huff: I have a green belt… read it and weep.
Dale Doback: I don’t believe in belts.”

” Derek: I am the VP of the biggest executive helicopter leasing company on the western seaboard. I haven’t had a carb since 2004. Check these out.
[Points to ab muscles]
Derek: See these? See these boys? This is what I live with, every day. I lather this up with Kiehls in the shower. You want to touch this shit?
Dale Doback: No.
Derek: You want to touch these bad boys? Sorry, not gonna happen.”

” Dr. Robert Doback: [they start getting hot and heavy] My name is Robert, and I play racquetball. I collect coins.
[breathes heavily]
Dr. Robert Doback: Sweet Jesus! I love Korean food!
Nancy Huff: [breathing heavily] I am Nancy Huff; I know how to make Tandoori Chicken.
[continues undressing]
Nancy Huff: I contribute to NPR every single year…
[pause]
Nancy Huff: … and I love the movies of Rob Reiner! Pilates changed my life!
[they continue making out while stripping off their clothes]
Dr. Robert Doback: [they make out on the bed] I have a boat, and I wanna retire and sail around the world…
Nancy Huff: Oh, I LOVE the sea!
[they kiss and embrace each other]
Dr. Robert Doback: And I drive a Mercedes and I have a 40-year-old son, Dale, who still lives at home!
[pause]
Nancy Huff: [rises from the bed and looks down at him, shocked] What did you *just* say?
Dr. Robert Doback: [sulks] Oh! I knew I shouldn’t have told you that!
Nancy Huff: I have a 39-year-old son named Brennan- who still lives at home with me!
[they begin to have sex]”

“Dr. Robert Doback: [at his wedding ceremony] I would like to thank all of you… for being here with us on this fantastic, wonderful day! And I would like to raise my glass; Dale and I wanna welcome you to our home with open arms!
Dale Doback: [abruptly gets up out of his chair and throws his plate, rolling his eyes] UGH! Get a room, Dad!
Dr. Robert Doback: [as Dale walks out] Oh for chris- Dale!”

Brennan Huff: I’m so scared right now. I’m just gonna to do what’s sensible, I’m gonna file for unemployment. Then I’m gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because they got an excellent corporate structure and they… *they* give *you* the tools to be your own boss.

“Dale Doback: I manage a baseball team.
Nancy Huff: Oh, little league?
Dale Doback: Fantasy league.”

” Dale Doback: We’re in the bathroom!
Alice: This’ll just take a minute. There’s really little you can do about it. Let me just hop on.
[suddenly opens his pants and mounts him against the wall]
Dale Doback: It’s all slippery!”

” Dr. Robert Doback: You have one month to find jobs or you’re out on your asses. I will arrange interviews for Monday and you will go!
Dale Doback: Dad, why are you talking to me like this? I’m your son.
Dr. Robert Doback: I’m not buying that crap anymore!”

“Nancy Huff: [During Christmas Dinner. Tiffany is 12] What about you Tiffany, what did you get for Christmas?
Tiffany: I got this Mikimoto pearl necklace, but next year I’m gonna ask Santa for breast implants because I’m impatient with my body.”

” Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!”

“Brennan Huff: I’m not gonna call him Dad.
Nancy Huff: Brennan, you’re 39 years old. I wouldn’t expect you to call him Dad.
Brennan Huff: Well I’m not going to, *ever*! Even if there’s a fire!”

” Male Therapist: So, Dale. I don’t know how much you know about therapy, but it usually starts by you telling me a little something about yourself.
Dale Doback: I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out.
Male Therapist: Is this Good Will Hunting?
Dale Doback: No.
Male Therapist: It sounds a lot like the plot of Good Will Hunting.
Dale Doback: Yeah, anyway. My best friend is Ben Affleck…”

” Dr. Robert Doback: You jagaloons! You’re failures! FAILURES!
Brennan Huff: Hey, you’re embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck!
Nancy Huff: Brennan.
Brennan Huff: Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She’s a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000.
Nancy Huff: Oh, stop it! Stop it right…
Brennan Huff: Or I’m gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass…
Nancy Huff: Brennan!
Brennan Huff: …you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces shit!”


Brennan Huff: I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home.”

” Dale Doback: I’m just saying, you need to think about your options. I know you two are technically married but that does not mean that they have to live here.
Dr. Robert Doback: Dale, I think it’s time for a change. For both of us.
Dale Doback: Dad, we’re men. That means a few things – we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do, and now that is all wrecked.
[brief pause]
Dr. Robert Doback: We literally have never done any of those things.”

“Denise: So, I thought we’d begin talking about your parents’ divorce.
Brennan Huff: Okay.
Denise: How old were you when they got divorced?
Brennan Huff: Fifteen.
Denise: That’s a hard age.
Brennan Huff: Yes. Yeah.
Denise: Do you want to talk about some of those feelings?
Brennan Huff: I love you.
Denise: Obviously… you don’t know me.
Brennan Huff: I love you so much.
Denise: Thank you, and I will take that as a feeling that you have of… comfortability with me.
Brennan Huff: It’s more than comfortability. I mean, I fuckin’ love you.
Denise: Okay, I… think…
Brennan Huff: I’m just thinking about our life together. I feel like I’m walking on a cloud. My penis is tingling right now.
Denise: That is so… off-putting.
Brennan Huff: You’re not feeling this?
Denise: In no way, shape, or form do I feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever.”

” Brennan Huff: You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.
Dale Doback: Yeah, I got ’em from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. It’s like masturbating in a time machine.”

” Derek: You can have some dope parties on this lawn.
Second Homebuyer Husband: You don’t have to talk like that. You can just say it’s nice.
Derek: Nah, that’s how I talk. Look at this door, it’s fresh.”

” Nancy Huff: Brennan, Denise called and she said she can’t spend New Years Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend she’s your therapist
Brennan Huff: Is that what she said? She’s a rascal.”

Dale Doback: [Talking to an employment agency worker] Look, I wanna’ be honest with you. I really need a job. And, I will take any position – as long as it doesn’t involve having sex with old ladies for money, or bear traps. Those are my two bugaboos.

Broadway City Quotes That You Won’t Miss

Broadway City Quotes – Broad City is an American comedy television series, created by and starring Ilana Glazer and Abbi Jacobson. It was developed from their web series of the same name, which was independently produced from 2009 to 2011. The creation of the web series began after Glazer received poor feedback on a project she and a partner had been working on. After expressing her frustration to Jacobson, the two decided to work on a project together, eventually creating the web series Broad City. The series is based on Glazer and Jacobson’s real life friendship, and their attempt to “make it” in New York. Amy Poehler is one of Broad City’s executive producers, and appeared in the webseries finale.[1] The series premiered on Comedy Central on January 22, 2014.

It’s no secret that Broad City’s all-female writing team come up with some pretty (incredibly) rude lines. Not just rude, but imaginately coarse, and often fairly anatomically specific.

We love it. Here are some of our favourites.

Broadway City Quotes

1) I want to MARRY the blue light #broadcityquotes

2) “People really shouldn’t trick other people into sex…” #broadcityquotes #gingerbluntman

3) The vayaña is natures pocket. It’s natural and it’s responsible. #BroadCity #broadcityquotes

4) “I’m a sexual X-Man” – #BroadCityQuotes

5) “There was so much Jazz” – #BroadCityQuotes

6) “All entertainment is porn and all porn is kiddy porn” #soc119 #broadcityquotes

7) Manhattan. #shade RT @Broadcityquotes We are garbage people living on garbage island!! #broadcity #broadcityquotes

8) Yes Queens. #BroadCityQuotes

9) I just always loved trash. It’s like normal stuff but it has a past, ya know? #bc3 #broadcityquotes

10) “Coat racks AREN’T for babies!” #broadcityquotes

11) “I can’t inflict upon a dog the crazy life of a dentist” #broadcityquotes #crazydentist

12) You all pretend to be eco conscious but i see you with your iced coffees and your togos #Broadcityquotes #comedycentral

13) Not over Amy Winehouse #favoritesongs #broadcityquotes

14) “If I don’t slide my flaps will come back. Slide and Glide is all I have.” #BroadCityQuotes @broadcity

15) “I’m not putting weed up inside of me because I’m an adult and I’m responsible. #BroadCity #broadcityquotes”

16) “Do you ever get hair from your head stuck in your butt crack in the shower?” #BroadCity #broadcityquotes Yes is the answer and it’s gross!

17) But I won’t make out with you. White people do that dog thing. Black people don’t make out with dogs. #BroadCity #broadcityquotes

18) Sorry ive been slacking everyone ive been in CostaRica but coming home so im going to binge on s3 and get some new quotes! #broadcityquotes

19) I’d do it. Is pick up your poop. You’re worth it. #BroadCity #broadcityquotes

20) Rih Rih leans in for a kiss and then she goes down on me. #BroadCity #broadcityquotes

21) I didn’t know you had a veneer and I’m in that mouth on a regular basis.#broadcityquotes #broadcity

22) I’m not putting weed up inside of me because I’m an adult and I’m responsible. #BroadCity #broadcityquotes

23) I really think you should put your weed in your front hole. #broadcity #broadcityquotes

24) The vayaña is natures pocket. It’s natural and it’s responsible. #BroadCity #broadcityquotes

25) I’m an adult, I should be buying my own pot. #BroadCity #broadcityquotes

26) “You can spend hours in 42 Squirts sampling fro-yo, but you might not make it out alive.”

27) “Did you see that post about Otto’s bucatini carbonara last week on the Al Dente Dentist? Pure poetry.”

28) “I’m gonna hit up BB&B later for this sick sale that’s going on. Mama needs some towels and a new pasta maker.”

29) “Bingo Bronson is both my most treasured friend and my worst nightmare.”

30) Carpe Diem! Cha-chinga!

31) Judith Light is a timeless beauty and regal talent, both in human and puppy form.

32) “Nobody rides the inflatable Orca quite like Kirk Steele, if you catch my drift.”

33) “Along with pleasure and procreation, nature’s pocket is perfect for some extra storage.”

34) “Why didn’t you answer your phone?! I thought you got SVU-ed!”

35) “There I was, innocently googling Judge Judy’s net worth, and before I knew it, I was swept into the worldwide bloodstream and the whole day was gone!”

36) “I wish I could afford to belong to a rich-person gym like Soulstice, but my bank account is more of a Planet Fitness one.”

37) “Last night, Abbi drank six Long Island Iced Teas and Val made an appearance. As usual, she was a hot diggity dog and a scalawag to boot.”

38) “Do I want a bagel? YAS, of course!”

39) “YAAAAAAASS KWEEN!!” (This is often accompanied by the entire choreography to Nicki Minaj’s “Superbass.”)

40) “How Are My Legs Set Up? Is That Working? ‘Cause I’m Like In My Head About It.” — Jacobson On Trying To Sit Like A Lady In A Dress

41) “Don’t Carry Weed In Your Vagina Or Black Out.” — Glazer On Making Good Choices

42) “No Sales Today! No Deals! We’re In The Paper!” — Jacobson On Telling Her Old Workplace That Her And Glazer’s Web Series Had Started To Make It Big

43) “The Smallest Thing In New York Takes For-F*cking-Ever.” — Glazer On Running Errands

44) “It’s Now On CBS And An Hour Long.” — Jacobson Joking About How Dramatic Season 3 Is Going To Be

45) “She’s Such A Muppet.” — Jacobson Describing Glazer

46) Abbi Uses Me As A Shield When We Meet Famous People.” — Glazer On The Hazards Of Her Job

47) “If You’re Gonna Be Me, You Gotta Wear A Dildo.” — Jacobson Giving Halloween Costume Advice

48 Laws Of Power Quotes That Worth Reading

48 Laws Of Power Quotes – The 48 Laws of Power (1998) is the first book by American author Robert Greene. The book is a bestseller, selling over 1.2 million copies in the United States, and is popular with prison inmates and celebrities.

Greene initially formulated some of the ideas in The 48 Laws of Power while working as a writer in Hollywood and concluding that today’s power elite shared similar traits with powerful figures throughout history. In 1995, Greene worked as a writer at Fabrica, an art and media school, and met a book packager named Joost Elffers. Greene pitched a book about power to Elffers and six months later, Elffers requested that Greene write a treatment.

Although Greene was unhappy in his current job, he was comfortable and saw the time needed to write a proper book proposal as too risky. However, at the time Greene was rereading his favorite biography about Julius Caesar and took inspiration from Caesar’s decision to cross the Rubicon River and fight Pompey, thus inciting the Great Roman Civil War. Greene wrote the treatment, which later became The 48 Laws of Power. He would note this as the turning point of his life.

Eventhough the books got many critics, the books accepted by most of people and people search the quotes from it. People see relevance between quotes from the book and from real world situation. Enjoy the quotes.

48 Laws Of Power Quotes

1) “When you show yourself to the world and display your talents, you naturally stir all kinds of resentment, envy, and other manifestations of insecurity

2) “Always Say Less Than Necessary. When you are trying to impress people with words, the more you say, the more common you appear, and the less in control. Even if you are saying something banal, it will seem original if you make it vague, open-ended, and sphinxlike. Powerful people impress and intimidate by saying less. The more you say, the more likely you are to say something foolish”

3) “If you are unsure of a course of action, do not attempt it. Your doubts and hesitations will infect your execution. Timidity is dangerous: Better to enter with boldness. Any mistakes you commit through audacity are easily corrected with more audacity. Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.”

4) “Keep your friends for friendship, but work with the skilled and competent”

5) “Do not leave your reputation to chance or gossip; it is your life’s artwork, and you must craft it, hone it, and display it with the care of an artist”

6) “Never Appear Too Perfect. Appearing better than others is always dangerous, but most dangerous of all is to appear to have no faults or weaknesses. Envy creates silent enemies. It is smart to occasionally display defects, and admit to harmless vices, in order to deflect envy and appear more human and approachable. Only gods and the dead can seem perfect with impunity.”

7) “Re-Create Yourself. Do not accept the roles that society foists on you. Re-create yourself by forging a new identity, one that commands attention and never bores the audience. Be the master of your own image rather than letting others define if for you. Incorporate dramatic devices into your public gestures and actions – your power will be enhanced and your character will seem larger than life.”

8) “Never assume that the person you are dealing with is weaker or less important than you are. Some people are slow to take offense, which may make you misjudge the thickness of their skin, and fail to worry about insulting them. But should you offend their honor and their pride, they will overwhelm you with a violence that seems sudden and extreme given their slowness to anger. If you want to turn people down, it is best to do so politely and respectfully, even if you feel their request is impudent or their offer ridiculous.”

9) “Many a serious thinker has been produced in prisons, where we have nothing to do but think.”


10) “Think As You Like But Behave Like Others. If you make a show of going against the times, flaunting your unconventional ideas and unorthodox ways, people will think that you only want attention and that you look down upon them. They will find a way to punish you for making them feel inferior. It is far safer to blend in and nurture the common touch. Share your originality only with tolerant friends and those who are sure to appreciate your uniqueness.”

11) “…But the human tongue is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage, and if it is not tamed, it will tun wild and cause you grief.”

12) “There is nothing more intoxicating than victory, and nothing more dangerous.”

13) “Lord, protect me from my friends; I can take care of my enemies.”

14) “Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter”

15) “Never waste valuable time, or mental peace of mind, on the affairs of others—that is too high a price to pay.”

16) “Be wary of friends—they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.”

17) “Few are born bold. Even Napoleon had to cultivate the habit on the battlefield, where he knew it was a matter of life and death. In social settings he was awkward and timid, but he overcame this and practice boldness in every part of his life because he saw its tremendous power, how it could literally enlarge a man(even one who, like Napoleon, was in fact conspicuously small).

18) “For the future, the motto is, “No days unalert.”

19) “Despise The Free Lunch”


20) “Be Royal in your Own Fashion: Act like a King to be treated”

21) “person who cannot control his words shows that he cannot control himself, and is unworthy of respect.”

22) “A Prince asked the dying spanish statesman, “Does your Excellency forgive all your enemies?” “I do not have to forgive all my enemies,” answered the stateman, “I have had them all shot.”

23) “To succeed in the game of power, you have to master your emotions. But even if you succeed in gaining such self-control, you can never control the temperamental dispositions of those around you. And this presents a great danger.”

24) “Remember: The best deceivers do everything they can to cloak their roguish qualities. They cultivate an air of honesty in one area to disguise their dishonesty in others. Honesty is merely another decoy in their arsenal of weapons.”

25) “do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

26) “You choose to let things bother you. You can just as easily choose not to notice the irritating offender, to consider the matter trivial and unworthy of your interest. That is the powerful move. What you do not react to cannot drag you down in a futile engagement. Your pride is not involved. The best lesson you can teach an irritating gnat is to consign it to oblivion by ignoring it.”

27) “A heckler once interrupted Nikita Khrushchev in the middle of a speech in which he was denouncing the crimes of Stalin. “You were a colleague of Stalin’s,” the heckler yelled, “why didn’t you stop him then?” Khrushschev apparently could not see the heckler and barked out, “Who said that?” No hand went up. No one moved a muscle. After a few seconds of tense silence, Khrushchev finally said in a quiet voice, “Now you know why I didn’t stop him.” Instead of just arguing that anyone facing Stalin was afraid, knowing that the slightest sign of rebellion would mean certain death, he had made them feel what it was like to face Stalin—had made them feel the paranoia, the fear of speaking up, the terror of confronting the leader, in this case Khrushchev. The demonstration was visceral and no more argument was necessary.”

28) “friendship and love blind every man to their interests.”

29) “The key to power, then, is the ability to judge who is best able to further your interests in all situations. Keep friends for friendship, but work with the skilled and competent.”

30) “The human tongue is a beast that few can master.”

31) “An emotional response to a situation is the single greatest barrier to power, a mistake that will cost you a lot more than any temporary satisfaction you might gain by expressing your feelings.”

32) “Never be distracted by people’s glamorous portraits of themselves and their lives; search and dig for what really imprisons them.”

33) “When you meet a swordsman, draw your sword: Do not recite poetry to one who is not a poet.”

34) “He who poses as a fool is not a fool.”

35) “By acknowledging a petty problem you give it existence and credibility. The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him; and a small mistake is often made worse and more visible when you try to fix it. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.”

36) “Oysters open completely when the moon is full; and when the crab sees one it throws a piece of stone or seaweed into it and the oyster cannot close again so that it serves the crab for meat. Such is the fate of him who opens his mouth too much and thereby puts himself at the mercy of the listener. Leonardo da Vinci, 1452-1519”

37) “All masters want to appear more brilliant than other people.”

38) “If, for example, you are miserly by nature, you will never go beyond a certain limit; only generous souls attain greatness.”

39) “Fools say that they learn by experience. I prefer to profit by others’ experience.”

40) “Long Time. The famous seventeenth-century Ming painter Chou Yung relates a story that altered his behavior forever. Late one winter afternoon he set out to visit a town that lay across the river from his own town. He was bringing some important books and papers with him and had commissioned a young boy to help him carry them. As the ferry neared the other side of the river, Chou Yung asked the boatman if they would have time to get to the town before its gates closed, since it was a mile away and night was approaching. The boatman glanced at the boy, and at the bundle of loosely tied papers and books—“Yes,” he replied, “if you do not walk too fast.” As they started out, however, the sun was setting. Afraid of being locked out of the town at night, prey to local bandits, Chou and the boy walked faster and faster, finally breaking into a run. Suddenly the string around the papers broke and the documents scattered on the ground. It took them many minutes to put the packet together again, and by the time they had reached the city gates, it was too late. When you force the pace out of fear and impatience, you create a nest of problems that require fixing, and you end up taking much longer than if you had taken your time.”

41) “A man said to a Dervish: “Why do I not see you more often?” The Dervish replied, “Because the words ‘Why have you not been to see me?’ are sweeter to my ear than the words ‘Why have you come again?”

42) “There is almost a touch of condescension in the act of hiring friends that secretly afflicts them. The injury will come out slowly: A little more honesty, flashes of resentment and envy here and there, and before you know it your friendship fades. The more favors and gifts you supply to revive the friendship, the less gratitude you receive.”

43) “Hide your intentions not by closing up (with the risk of appearing secretive, and making people suspicious) but by talking endlessly about your desires and goals-just not the real ones.”

44) “What does it matter if another player, your friend or rival, intended good things and had only your interests at heart, if the effects of his action lead to so much ruin and confusion? It is only natural for people to cover up their actions with all kinds of justifications, always assuming that they have acted out of goodness. You must learn to inwardly laugh each time you hear this and never get caught up in gauging someone’s intentions and actions through a set of moral judgments that are really an excuse for the accumulation of power.”

45) “DESPISE THE FREE LUNCH JUDGMENT What is offered for free is dangerous-it usually involves either a trick or a hidden obligation. What has worth is worth paying for. By paying your own way you stay clear of gratitude, guilt, and deceit. It is also often wise to pay the full price—there is no cutting corners with excellence. Be lavish with your money and keep it circulating, for generosity is a sign and a magnet for power.”

46) “Never take your position for granted and never let any favors you receive go to your head.”

47) “Without enemies around us, we grow lazy. An enemy at our heels sharpens our wits, keeping us focused and alert. It is sometimes better, then, to use enemies as enemies rather than transforming them into friends or allies.”

48) “Any man who tries to be good all the time is bound to come to ruin among the great number who are not good.”

49) “The Tiny Wound. It is small but painful and irritating. You try all sorts of medicaments, you com- plain, you scratch and pick at the scab. Doctors only make it worse, transforming the tiny wound into a grave matter. If only you had left the wound alone, letting time heal it and freeing yourself of worry.”

50) “JUDGMENT Be wary of friends—they will betray you more quickly, for they are easily aroused to envy. They also become spoiled and tyrannical. But hire a former enemy and he will be more loyal than a friend, because he has more to prove. In fact, you have more to fear from friends than from enemies. If you have no enemies, find a way to make them.”

51) “The mighty lion toys with the mouse that crosses his path—any other reaction would mar his fearsome reputation.”

52) “Image: An Oak Tree. The oak that resists the wind loses its branches one by one, and with nothing left to protect it, the trunk fi nally snaps. The oak that bends lives long er, its trunk grow ing wider, its roots deeper and more tenacious.”

53) “Sometimes any emotion is better than the boredom of security.”

54) “You cannot repress anger or love, or avoid feeling them, and you should not try.”

55) “It is natural to want to employ your friends when you find yourself in times of need. The world is a harsh place, and your friends soften the harshness. Besides, you know them. Why depend on a stranger when you have a friend at hand? Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit, because gratitude is a burden and revenge a pleasure. TACITUS, c. A.D. 55-120 The problem is that you often do not know your friends as well as you imagine. Friends often agree on things in order to avoid an argument. They cover up their unpleasant qualities so as to not offend each other. They laugh extra hard at each other’s jokes. Since honesty rarely strengthens friendship, you may never know how a friend truly feels. Friends will say that they love your poetry, adore your music, envy your taste in clothes—maybe they mean it, often they do not. When you decide to hire a friend, you gradually discover the qualities he or she has kept hidden. Strangely enough, it is your act of kindness that unbalances everything. People want to feel they deserve their good fortune. The receipt of a favor can become oppressive: It means you have been chosen because you are a friend, not necessarily because you are deserving. There is almost a touch of condescension in the act of hiring friends that secretly afflicts them. The injury will come out slowly: A little more honesty, flashes of resentment and envy here and there, and before you know it your friendship fades. The more favors and gifts you supply to revive the friendship, the less gratitude you receive. Ingratitude has a long and deep history. It has demonstrated its powers for so many centuries, that it is truly amazing that people continue to underestimate them. Better to be wary. If you never expect gratitude from a friend, you will be pleasantly surprised when they do prove grateful. The problem with using or hiring friends is that it will inevitably limit your power. The friend is rarely the one who is most able to help you; and in the end, skill and competence are far more important than friendly feelings.”

56) “LAW 9 WIN THROUGH YOUR ACTIONS, NEVER THROUGH ARGUMENT JUDGMENT Any momentary triumph you think you have gained through argument is really a Pyrrhic victory: The resentment and ill will you stir up is stronger and lasts longer than any momentary change of opinion. It is much more powerful to get others to agree with you through your actions, without saying a word. Demonstrate, do not explicate.”

57) “Never argue. In society nothing must be discussed; give only results. (Benjamin Disraeli, 1804–1881)”

58) “Power is a game, and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effects of their actions.”

59) “It is not much good being wise among fools and sane among lunatics.”

60) “Louis XI (1423-1483), the great Spider King of France, had a weakness for astrology. He kept a court astrologer whom he admired, until one day the man predicted that a lady of the court would die within eight days. When the prophecy came true, Louis was terrified, thinking that either the man had murdered the woman to prove his accuracy or that he was so versed in his science that his powers threatened Louis himself. In either case he had to be killed. One evening Louis summoned the astrologer to his room, high in the castle. Before the man arrived, the king told his servants that when he gave the signal they were to pick the astrologer up, carry him to the window, and hurl him to the ground, hundreds of feet below. The astrologer soon arrived, but before giving the signal, Louis decided to ask him one last question: “You claim to understand astrology and to know the fate of others, so tell me what your fate will be and how long you have to live.” “I shall die just three days before Your Majesty,” the astrologer replied. The king’s signal was never given. The man’s life was spared. The Spider King not only protected his astrologer for as long as he was alive, he lavished him with gifts and had him tended by the finest court doctors. The astrologer survived Louis by several years, disproving his power of prophecy but proving his mastery of power.”

61) “If you lead the sucker down a familiar path, he won’t catch on when you lead him into a trap.”

62) “Everyone admires the bold; no one honors the timid.”

63) “Such is the fate, in some form or other, of all those who unbalance the master’s sense of self, poke holes in his vanity, or make him doubt his pre-eminence.”

64) “As Gracián said, “The truth is generally seen, rarely heard.”

65) “When the snipe and the mussel struggle, the fisherman gets the benefit. Ancient Chinese saying”

66) “There is a popular saying in Japan that goes “Tada yori takai mono wa nai,” meaning: “Nothing is more costly than something given free of charge.” THE UNSPOKEN WAY, MICHIHIRO MATSUMOTO, 1988”

67) “Your new identity will protect you from the world precisely because it is not “you”; it is a costume you put on and take off. You need not take it personally. And your new identity sets you apart, gives you theatrical presence. Those in the back rows can see you and hear you. Those in the front rows marvel at your audacity.”

68) “You must be the mirror, training your mind to try to see yourself as others see you.”

69) “[M]any believe that by being honest and open they are winning people’s hearts and showing their good nature.They are greatly deluded. Honesty is actually a blunt instrument, which bloodies more than it cuts. Your honesty is likely to offend people; it is much more prudent to tailor your words, telling people what they want to hear rather than the coarse and ugly truth of what you feel or think. More important, by being unabashedly open you make yourself so predictable and familiar that it is almost impossible to respect or fear you, and power will not accrue to a person who cannot inspire such emotions.”

70) “Learn to destroy your enemies by opening holes in their own reputations. Then stand aside and let public opinion hang them.”

71) “little about your work, tease and titillate with alluring, even contradictory comments, then stand back and let others try to make sense of it all.”

72) “Everything is judged by its appearance; what is unseen counts for nothing. Never let yourself get lost in the crowd, then, or buried in oblivion. Stand out. Be conspicuous, at all cost. Make yourself a magnet of attention by appearing larger, more colorful, more mysterious than the bland and timid masses.”

73) “But the human tongue is a beast that few can master. It strains constantly to break out of its cage, and if it is not tamed, it will run wild and cause you grief. Power cannot accrue to those who squander their treasure of words.”

74) “Learn to move fast and adapt or you will be eaten. The best way to avoid this fate is to assume formlessness. No predator alive can attack what it cannot see. OBSERVANCE”

75) “Men are more ready to repay an injury than a benefit, because gratitude is a burden and revenge a pleasure. TACITUS, c. A.D. 55-120”

76) “Never appear overly greedy for attention, then, for it signals insecurity, and insecurity drives power away. Understand that there are times when it is not in your interest to be the center of attention. When in the presence of a king or queen, for instance, or the equivalent thereof, bow and retreat to the shadows; never compete.”

77) “To have a good enemy, choose a friend: He knows where to strike. DIANF DE POITIERS, 1499-1566, MISTRESS OF HENRI II OF FRANCE”

78) “The Athenians were one of the most eminently practical people in history, and they made the most practical argument they could with the Melians: When you are weaker, there is nothing to be gained by fighting a useless fight. No one comes to help the weak—by doing so they would only put themselves in jeopardy. The weak are alone and must submit. Fighting gives you nothing to gain but martyrdom, and in the process a lot of people who do not believe in your cause will die.”

79) “Do not commit yourself to anybody or anything, for that is to be a slave, a slave to every man…. Above all, keep yourself free of commitments and obligations—they are the device of another to get you into his power…. (Baltasar Gracián, 1601-1658) PART”

80) “person who cannot control his words shows that he cannot control himself,”

81) “those who make a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all.”

82) “The only means to gain one’s ends with people are force and cunning. Love also, they say; but that is to wait for sunshine, and life needs every moment. JOHANN VON GOETHE, 1749-1832”

83) “Learn the lesson: Once the words are out, you cannot take them back. Keep them under control. Be particularly careful with sarcasm: The momentary satisfaction you gain with your biting words will be outweighed by the price you pay.”

84) “A fisherman in the month of May stood angling on the bank of the Thames with an artificial fly. He threw his bait with so much art, that a young trout was rushing toward it, when she was prevented by her mother. “Never,” said she, “my child, be too precipitate, where there is a possibility of danger. Take due time to consider, before you risk an action that may be fatal. How know you whether yon appearance be indeed a fly, or the snare of an enemy? Let someone else make the experiment before you. If it be a fly, he will very probably elude the first attack: and the second may be made, if not with success, at least with safety.” She had no sooner spoken, than a gudgeon seized the pretended fly, and became an example to the giddy daughter of the importance of her mother’s counsel. FABLES, ROBERT DODSLEY, 1703-1764”

85) “If the world is like a giant scheming court and we are trapped inside it, there is no use in trying to opt out of the game. That will only render you powerless, and powerlessness will make you miserable. Instead of struggling against the inevitable, instead of arguing and whining and feeling guilty, it is far better to excel at power. In fact, the better you are at dealing with power, the better friend, lover, husband, wife, and person you become.”

86) “USE SELECTIVE HONESTY AND GENEROSITY TO DISARM YOUR VICTIM JUDGMENT One sincere and honest move will cover over dozens of dishonest ones. Open-hearted gestures of honesty and generosity bring down the guard of even the most suspicious people. Once your selective honesty opens a hole in their armor, you can deceive and manipulate them at will. A timely gift—a Trojan horse—will serve the same purpose.”

87) “Those who seek to achieve things should show no mercy. Kautilya, Indian philosopher third century B.C. OBSERVANCE”

88) “There are very few men—and they are the exceptions—who are able to think and feel beyond the present moment. CARL VON CLAUSEWITZ, 1780-1831”

89) “So much of power is not what you do but what you do not do—the rash and foolish actions that you refrain from before they get you into trouble.”

90) “In a speech Abraham Lincoln delivered at the height of the Civil War, he referred to the Southerners as fellow human beings who were in error. An elderly lady chastised him for not calling them irreconcilable enemies who must be destroyed. “Why, madam,” Lincoln replied, “do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

91) “His moves intrigued her, each of them keeping her waiting for the next one—she even enjoyed her jealousy and confusion, for sometimes any emotion is better than the boredom of security.”

92) “Absence diminishes minor passions and inflames great ones, as the wind douses a candle and fans a fire. La Rochefoucauld, 1613-1680 OBSERVANCE”

93) “Renaissance diplomat and courtier Niccolò Machiavelli wrote, “Any man who tries to be good all the time is bound to come to ruin among the great number who are not good.”

94) “It takes great talent and skill to conceal one’s talent and skill. LA ROCHEFOUCAULD, 1613–1680 Halliwell”

95) “Keep friends for friendship, but work with the skilled and competent.”

96) “But improvisation will only bring you as far as the next crisis, and is never a substitute for thinking several steps ahead and planning to the end.”

97) “Second, many believe that by being honest and open they are winning people’s hearts and showing their good nature. They are greatly deluded. Honesty is actually a blunt instrument, which bloodies more than it cuts. Your honesty is likely to offend people; it is much more prudent to tailor your words, telling people what they want to hear rather than the coarse and ugly truth of what you feel or think. More important, by being unabashedly open you make yourself so predictable and familiar that it is almost impossible to respect or fear you, and power will not accrue to a person who cannot inspire such emotions. If”

98) “a show or display of innocence are the least innocent of all. The only means to gain one’s ends with people are force and cunning. Love also, they say; but that is to wait for sunshine, and life needs every moment. JOHANN VON GOETHE, 1749-1832”

99) “Sometimes, however, it is better to take risks and play the most capricious, unpredictable move.”

100) “As Nietzsche wrote, “The value of a thing sometimes lies not in what one attains with it, but in what one pays for it—what it costs us.” Perhaps you will attain your goal, and a worthy goal at that, but at what price? Apply this standard to everything, including whether to collaborate with other people or come to their aid. In the end, life is short, opportunities are few, and you have only so much energy to draw on. And in this sense time is as important a consideration as any other. Never waste valuable time, or mental peace of mind, on the affairs of others—that is too high a price to pay. Power”

101) “Anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, for it clouds your vision the most.”

102) “The more Coriolanus said, the less powerful he appeared—a person who cannot control his words shows that he cannot control himself, and is unworthy of respect.”

103) “Too much respect for other people’s wisdom will make you depreciate your own.”

104) “Power is essentially amoral and one of the most important skills to acquire is the ability to see circumstances rather than good or evil. Power is a game—this cannot be repeated too often—and in games you do not judge your opponents by their intentions but by the effect of their actions.”

105) “The most important of these skills, and power’s crucial foundation, is the ability to master your emotions. An emotional response to a situation is the single greatest barrier to power, a mistake that will cost you a lot more than any temporary satisfaction you might gain by expressing your feelings.”

106) “Commit harmless mistakes that will not hurt you in the long run but will give you the chance to ask for his help. Masters adore such requests. A master who cannot bestow on you the gifts of his experience may direct rancor and ill will at you instead.”

107) “Understand this: The world wants to assign you a role in life. And once you accept that role you are doomed. Your”

108) “While a friend expects more and more favors, and seethes with jealousy, these former enemies expected nothing and got everything. A man suddenly spared the guillotine is a grateful man indeed, and will go to the ends of the earth for the man who has pardoned him.”

109) “Be a flame of positive emotions and you will never be without a friend.”

110) “Science claims a search for truth that would seem to protect it from conservatism and the irrationality of habit: It is a culture of innovation. Yet when Charles Darwin published his ideas of evolution, he faced fiercer opposition from his fellow scientists than from religious authorities. His theories challenged too many fixed ideas. Jonas Salk ran into the same wall with his radical innovations in immunology, as did Max Planck with his revolutionizing of physics. Planck later wrote of the scientific opposition he faced, “A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new generation grows up that is familiar with it.” The answer to this innate conservatism is to play the courtier’s game. Galileo did this at the beginning of his scientific career; he later became more confrontational, and paid for it. So pay lip service to tradition. Identify the elements in your revolution that can be made to seem to build on the past. Say the right things, make a show of conformity, and meanwhile let your theories do their radical work. Play with appearances and respect past protocol. This is true in every arena—science being no exception.”

111) “Remember: The paranoid and wary are often the easiest to deceive. Win their trust in one area and you have a smoke screen that blinds their view in another, letting you creep up and level them with a devastating blow.”

112) “skill and competence are far more important than friendly feelings.”

113) “Learn to use the knowledge of the past and you will look like a genius, even when you are really just a clever borrower.”

114) “Never waste valuable time or mental peace of mind on the affairs of others – that is too high a price to pay.”

115) “Shortly after gaining his freedom, Campanella wrote Atheism Conquered, a book attacking free-thinkers, Machiavellians, Calvinists, and heretics of all stripes. The book is written in the form of debates in which heretics express their beliefs and are countered by arguments for the superiority of Catholicism. Campanella had obviously reformed—his book made that clear. Or did it? The arguments in the mouths of the heretics had never before been expressed with such verve and freshness. Pretending to present their side only to knock it down, Campanella actually summarized the case against Catholicism with striking passion. When he argued the other side, supposedly his side, on the other hand, he resorted to stale clichés and convoluted rationales. Brief and eloquent, the heretics’ arguments seemed bold and sincere. The lengthy arguments for Catholicism seemed tiresome and unconvincing. Catholics who read the book found it disturbing and ambiguous, but they could not claim it was heretical, or that Campanella should be returned to prison. His defense of Catholicism, after all, used arguments they had used themselves. Yet in the years to come, Atheism Conquered became a bible for atheists, Machiavellians and libertines who used the arguments Campanella had put in their mouths to defend their dangerous ideas. Combining an outward display of conformity with an expression of his true beliefs in a way that his sympathizers would understand, Campanella showed that he had learned his lesson.”

116) “In a world growing increasingly banal and familiar, what seems enigmatic instantly draws attention. Never make it too clear what you are doing or about to do. Do not show all your cards. An air of mystery heightens your presence; it also creates anticipation—everyone”

117) “To some people the notion of consciously playing power games—no matter how indirect—seems evil, asocial, a relic of the past. They believe they can opt out of the game by behaving in ways that have nothing to do with power. You must beware of such people, for while they express such opinions outwardly, they are often among the most adept players at power.”

118) “Space we can recover, time never. Napoleon Bonaparte, 1769-1821”

119) “Spectacle and entertainment, clearly, are excellent devices to conceal your intentions, but they cannot be used indefinitely. The public grows tired and suspicious, and eventually catches on to the trick.”

120) “Every time I bestow a vacant office I make a hundred discontented persons and one ingrate. Louis XIV, 1638-1715”

121) “Years later, a Japanese visitor tried to apologize to Mao for his country’s invasion of China. Mao interrupted, “Should I not thank you instead?” Without a worthy opponent, he explained, a man or group cannot grow stronger. Mao’s”

122) “The mind must not wander from goal to goal, or be distracted by success from its sense of purpose and proportion.”

123) “The great questions of the time will be decided, not by speeches and resolutions of majorities, but by iron and blood.”

124) “To be emperor of China was to be alone, surrounded by a pack of enemies—it was the least powerful, least secure position in the realm.”

125) “The only means to gain one’s ends with people are force and cunning. Love also, they say; but that is to wait for sunshine, and life needs every moment. JOHANN VON GOETHE, 1749–1832 You”

126) “Impatience, on the other hand, only makes you look weak. It is a principal impediment to power. Power”

127) “Inter action with boldness”

128) “What draws attention draws power”

129) “Remember the following: Never take your position for granted and never let any favors you receive go to your head. Knowing”

130) “to the end, no matter what it is you are considering. Often enough, God gives a man a glimpse of happiness, and then utterly ruins him. THE HISTORIES, HERODOTUS, FIFTH CENTURY B.C. Indians”

131) “Authority: I certainly think that it is better to be impetuous than cautious, for fortune is a woman, and it is necessary, if you wish to master her, to conquer her by force; and it can be seen that she lets herself be overcome by the bold rather than by those who proceed coldly. And therefore, like a woman, she is always a friend to the young, because they are less cautious, fiercer, and master her with greater audacity. (Niccolò Machiavelli, 1469-1527) REVERSAL Boldness should never be the strategy behind all of your actions.”

132) “Do not wait for a coronation; the greatest emperors crown themselves.”

133) “Anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, for it clouds your vision the most. It”

134) “It must be considered that there is nothing more difficult to carry out, nor more doubtful of success, nor more dangerous to handle, than to initiate a new order of things. Niccolò Machiavelli, 1469-1527”

135) “The value of a thing sometimes lies not in what one attains with it, but in what one pays for it—what it costs us.”

136) “Without a worthy opponent a man or group cannot grow stronger.”

137) “Never pick a fight with someone you’re not sure you can defeat.”

138) “The world wants to assign you a role in life and once you except that role you are doomed.”

139) “Boldness … is outer directed … and makes others feel more at ease because it’s less self-conscious.”

140) “Acted like a king to be treated like one.”

141) “Power goes to those who end the revolution. Not the one who starts it.”

142) “Money must circulate to bring power.”

143) “Power rarely ends up in the hands of those who start a revolution, or even of those who further it; power sticks to those who bring it to a conclusion.”

144) “Remember the following: Never take your position for granted and never let any favors you receive go to your”

145) “you often do not know your friends as well as you imagine. Friends often agree on things in order to avoid an argument. They cover up their unpleasant qualities so as to not offend each other. They laugh extra hard at each other’s jokes. Since honesty rarely strengthens friendship, you may never know how a friend truly feels. Friends will say that they love your poetry, adore your music, envy your taste in clothes—maybe they mean it, often they do not. When”

146) “Napoleon advised: Place your iron hand inside a velvet glove.”

147) “Always make those above you feel comfortably superior. In your desire to please or impress them, do not go too far in displaying your talents or you might accomplish the opposite – inspire fear and insecurity. Make your masters appear more brilliant than they are and you will attain the heights of power.”

148) “Intellect is a magnitude of intensity, not a magnitude of extensity.”

149) “Power is essentially amoral and one of the most important skills to acquire is the ability to see circumstances rather than good or evil.”

150) “Hesitation creates gaps. Boldness obliterates them.”

151) “Everyone understands the need for change in the abstract, but on the day-to-day level people are creatures of habit. Too much innovation is traumatic, and will lead to revolt.”

152) “What good is it to have the greatest dream in the world if others reap the benefits and the glory? Never lose your head over a vague, open-ended dream—plan to the end. OBSERVANCE”

153) “Oysters open completely when the moon is full; and when the crab sees one it throws a piece of stone or seaweed into it and the oyster cannot close again so that it serves the crab for meat. Such is the fate of him who opens his mouth too much and thereby puts himself at the mercy of the listener. Leonardo”

154) “Anger is the most destructive of emotional responses, for”

155) “In truth, the use of honesty is indeed a power strategy, intended to convince people of one’s noble, good-hearted, selfless character. It is a form of persuasion, even a subtle form of coercion. Finally,”

156) “The straight trees are cut down, the crooked ones are left standing. Kautilya, Indian philosopher, third century B.C. KEYS”

157) “In fact, the better you are at dealing with power, the better friend, lover, husband, wife, and person you become.”

158) “Emotions cloud reason, and if you cannot see the situation clearly, you cannot prepare for and respond to it with any degree of control. Anger”

Chris Mccandless Quotes, Inspire People to Live the Life to the Fullest

Chris Mccandless Quotes – Christopher Johnson “Chris” McCandless was an American hiker and itinerant traveler, who also went by the name “Alexander Supertramp”. After graduating from college in 1990, McCandless traveled the United States, and eventually hitchhiked to Alaska in April 1992. There, he set out along an old mining road known as the Stampede Trail, with minimal supplies, hoping to live simply off the land. Almost four months later, McCandless’ decomposing body, weighing only 30 kilograms (66 lb), was found by hunters in a converted bus used as a backcountry shelter along the Stampede Trail, on the eastern bank of the Sushana River. His cause of death was officially ruled to be starvation, although the exact cause remains the subject of some debate

The converted bus where McCandless lived and died has since become a well-known destination for hikers. Known as “The Magic Bus”, the 1946 International Harvester was abandoned by road workers in 1961 on the Stampede Trail where it remains today. A plaque in McCandless’ memory is affixed to the interior.

McCandless’ life became the subject of a number of articles, books, films and documentaries, which helped elevate his life to the status of modern myth. He became a romantic figure to some inspired by what they see as his free-spirited idealism, but to others a controversial misguided figure. “The Magic Bus” has become a pilgrimage destination for trekkers who camp at the vehicle, some of whom have also gotten into difficulties due to the Teklanika River.

McCandless has been a polarizing figure since his story came to widespread public attention, with the publication of Krakauer’s January 1993 Outside article. While the author and many others have a sympathetic view of the young traveler, others, particularly Alaskans, have expressed negative views about McCandless and those who romanticize his fate.

His popular quotes remain until now, inspire people to live the life to the fullest. Read Chris Mccandless here on Quotes2Read.com.

Chris Mccandless Quotes

1) “Happiness only real when shared.”

2) “So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

3) “Two years he walks the earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, ’cause “the West is the best.” And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual pilgrimage. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the Great White North. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild.

4) “The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

5) “I read somewhere… how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong… but to feel strong.”

6) “Two years he walks the Earth. No phone, no pool, no pets, no cigarettes. Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, ’cause “the West is the best.” And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure. The climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual revolution. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the great white north. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild.”

7) “If you want something in this life, reach out and grab it.”

8) “…there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

9) “I’ve decided I’m going to live this life for some time to come. The freedom and simple beauty is just too good to pass up.”

10) “Don´t hesitate or allow yourself to make excuses. Just get out and do it. Just get out and do it. You will be very, very glad that you did.”

11) “It is important in life not to be strong, but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once. If you want something in life, reach out and grab it.”

12) “Make each day a new horizon.”

13) “The core of mans’ spirit comes from new experiences.”

14) “Happiness is only real, when shared.”

15) “The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

16) “You think that I am stubborn, but you are even more stubborn than me. You had a wonderful chance on your drive back to see one of the greatest sights on earth, the Grand Canyon, something every American should see at least once in his life. But for some reason incomprehensible to me you wanted nothing but to bolt for home as quickly as possible, right back to the same situation which you see day after day after day. I fear you will follow this same inclination in the future and thus fail to discover all the wonderful things that God has placed around us to discover. Don’t settle down and sit in one place. Move around, be nomadic, make each day a new horizon.”

17) “(…)how important it is in life not necessarily to be strong, but to feel strong, to measure yourself at least once, to find yourself at least once in the most ancient of human conditions, facing the blind, deaf stone alone with nothing to help you but your hands and your own head.”

18) “The life and simple beauty of it is too good to pass up”

19) “But in reality nothing is more damaging to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure.”

20) “Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road.”

21) “So many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will not take the initiative to change their situation because they are conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of which may appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more dangerous to the adventurous spirit within a man than a secure future. The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

22) “It is the experiences, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found. God it’s great to be alive!”

23) “I don’t want to know what time it is. I don’t want to know what day it is or where I am. None of that matters.”

24) “Deliberate living: Conscious attention to the basics of life, and a constant attention to your immediate environment and its concerns – A job, a task, a book; anything requiring efficient concentration (Circumstance has no value. It is how one relates to a situation that has value. All true meaning resides in the personal relationship to a phenomenon, what it means to you”

25) “No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild.”

26) “Ultimate freedom. An extremist. An aesthetic voyager whose home is the road. Escaped from Atlanta. Thou shalt not return, ‘cause “the West is the best.” And now after two rambling years comes the final and greatest adventure, the climactic battle to kill the false being within and victoriously conclude the spiritual revolution. Ten days and nights of freight trains and hitchhiking bring him to the great white North. No longer to be poisoned by civilization he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become lost in the wild.”

27) “The very basic core of a man’s living spirit is his passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.”

28) “Tramping is too easy with all this money. My days were more exciting when I was penniless and had to forage around for my next meal. As for me, I’ve decided that I’m going to live this life for some time to come. The freedom and simple beauty of it is just too good to pass up.”

29) “Circumstance has no value. It is how one relates to a situation that has value. All true meaning resides the personal relationship to a phenomenon, what it means to you.”

30) No phone. No pool. No pets. No cigarettes. Ultimate freedom… No longer to be poisoned by civilization, he flees, and walks alone upon the land to become Lost in the Wild.

31) I have had a happy life and thank the Lord. Goodbye and may God bless all!

32) It is the experiences, the great triumphant joy of living to the fullest extent in which real meaning is found. God it’s great to be alive!

33) I need your help. I am injured, near death, and too weak to hike out of here. I am all alone. This is no joke. In the name of God, please remain to save me. I am out collecting berries close by and shall return this evening. Thank you, Chris McCandless.

34) All true meaning resides in the personal relationship to a phenomenon, what it means to you.

Fred Korematsu Quotes, The Long Journey for Civil Liberties

Fred Korematsu Quotes – Fred Toyosaburo Korematsu (是松 豊三郎 Korematsu Toyosaburō, January 30, 1919 – March 30, 2005) was an American civil rights activist who objected to the internment of Japanese Americans during World War II. Shortly after the Imperial Japanese Navy launched its attack on Pearl Harbor, President Franklin D. Roosevelt issued Executive Order 9066, which authorized the removal of individuals of Japanese ancestry living on the West Coast from their homes and their mandatory imprisonment in internment camps, but Korematsu instead challenged the orders and became a fugitive.

The legality of the internment order was upheld by the Supreme Court of the United States in Korematsu v. United States; this ruling has never been explicitly overturned. Korematsu’s conviction for evading internment was overturned decades later after the disclosure of new evidence challenging the necessity of the internment, evidence which had been withheld from the courts by the U.S. government during the war.

To commemorate his journey as a civil rights activist posthumously, “Fred Korematsu Day of Civil Liberties and the Constitution” was observed for the first time on his 92nd birthday, January 30, 2011, by the state of California, the first such commemoration for an Asian American in the United States. In 2015, Virginia passed legislation to make it the second state and first commonwealth to permanently recognize each January 30 as Fred Korematsu Day.

To remind us about his fight for civil rights, here are 29 quotes from Fred Korematsu. Enjoy.

Fred Korematsu Quotes

1) If you have the feeling that something is wrong, don’t be afraid to speak up.

2) I was just living my life, and that’s what I wanted to do.

3) It may take time to prove you’re right, but you have to stick to it.

4) I thought what the military was doing was unconstitutional.

5) All of them turned their backs on me at that time because they thought I was a troublemaker.


6) Every day in school, we said the pledge to the flag, ‘with liberty and justice for all,’ and I believed all that.

7) As long as my record stands in federal court, any American citizen can be held in prison or concentration camps without a trial or a hearing.

8) One person can make a difference, even if it takes forty years.

9) I was an American citizen, and I had as many rights as anyone else.

10) I still remember, 40 years ago, when I was shackled and put in prison… Being an American citizen didn’t mean a thing.

11) I lost everything when they put us in prison. I was an enemy alien, a man without a country.

12) I didn’t think that the government would go as far as to include American citizens to be interned without a hearing

13) If anyone should do any pardoning. I should be the one pardoning the government for what they did to the Japanese-American people.

14) I was very upset because I did not have a fair trial to prove my loyalty to this country.

15) I don’t even know how it is to have a home. I feel like an orphan or something.

16) I was really upset because I was branded as an enemy alien when I’m an American.

17) I was born in the U.S. This is my country.

18) I’m Asian, so they assumed I’m not an American and that I come from Japan. Restaurants would refuse to serve me, and places would refuse to give you a haircut.

19) As a citizen of the United States, I am ready, willing, and able to bear arms for this country.

20) That was it – I lost my job… I was very discouraged. I wanted to be in defense work… I’m an American, and I have nothin’ to do with Japan, and so it’s sort of an insult to me.

21) It takes a lot of money to hire an attorney.

22) I was the third son, and the family tradition was my dad always favored the oldest child.

23) My folks were so worried about what they were going to do. All they can take was what they could carry with their hands. What they had for twenty-five years of building their business was going to go out the door, or they’re going to lose it.

24) Before the war, my parents were very proud people. They’d always talk about Japan and also about the samurai and things like that. Right after Pearl Harbor, they were just real quiet. They kept to themselves; they were afraid to talk about what could happen. I assume they knew that nothing good would come out of it.

25) During the curfew, whoever went out, the people were watching you. Any Japanese home, there was some person figuring he’s a good American citizen by doing his duty, and they were watching every move each family were doin’. Or if they went out, they followed them to see where they were goin’.

26) “I’ll never forget my government treating me like this. And I really hope that this will never happen to anybody else because of the way they look, if they look like the enemy of our country.”

27) “According to the Supreme Court decision regarding my case, being an American citizen was not enough. They say you have to look like one, otherwise they say you can’t tell a difference between a loyal and disloyal American. I thought that this decision was wrong and I still feel that way. As long as my record stands in federal court, any American citizen can be held in prison or concentration camps without a trial or a hearing. That is if they look like the enemy of our country. Therefore, I would like to see the government admit that they were wrong and do something about it so this will never happen again to any American citizen of any race, creed or color.”

28) “When I was in school, we started each day with the ‘Pledge of Allegiance’ to the American flag. I studied American history and the Constitution of the United States, and believed that persons born in this country was free and had equal rights. I’ve always been a good American citizen, I was willing to defend my country before the attack by Japan on Pearl Harbor in 1941. I had tried unsuccessfully to join, first, the National Guard, and then the United States Coast Guard. My Caucasian friends were accepted, but I was turned down. Later, I participated in defense work until the union forced me out without a reason. When the exclusion order was posted on telephone poles in 1942, I felt angry and hurt and confused about my future. I could not understand how the United States government could do this to American citizens without a hearing or a trial. It was not right that all Japanese Americans were interned while Americans of German or Italian descent were allowed to be free. For forty years, I have carried with me the remembrance of being treated like a criminal, and classified as an enemy alien of the United States, even though I was born in Oakland, California. I feel that as an American citizen, I did not do anything wrong. I have always felt that the United States Supreme Court’s approval of putting American citizens into concentration camps on the basis of race is unforgivable and should be corrected. I wanted you to know that Japanese Americans are loyal American citizens, and obey the laws of the land.”

29) “Fears and prejudices directed against minority communities are too easy to evoke and exaggerate, often to serve the political agendas of those who promote those fears. I know what it is like to be at the other end of such scapegoating and how difficult it is to clear one’s name after unjustified suspicions are endorsed as fact by the government. If someone is a spy or terrorist they should be prosecuted for their actions. But no one should ever be locked away simply because they share the same race, ethnicity, or religion as a spy or terrorist. If that principle was not learned from the internment of Japanese Americans, then these are very dangerous times for our democracy.”

Pootie Tang Quotes Wa Da Tah Bammies Sepatown

Pootie Tang Quotes – Pootie Tang is a 2001 American comedy film written and directed by Louis C.K. Adapted from a comedy sketch that first appeared on The Chris Rock Show,[4] the character Pootie Tang is a satire of the stereotyped characters who appeared in old blaxploitation films. The title character’s speech, which vaguely resembles pidgin, is mostly unintelligible to the audience, but the other characters in the film have no problem understanding him.

Originally a Paramount Classics film titled Pootie Tang in Sine Your Pitty on the Runny Kine, the budget was increased and transferred to the main Paramount Pictures division. C.K. has stated that he was all but fired from the film during the editing phase. According to him, Ali LeRoi was hired to extensively re-edit the film. Openly agreeing with Roger Ebert’s dismissive criticism that the movie should not have even been released, C.K. has said that the finished product, though containing parts he enjoyed, was far from his own vision.

Critical reception was generally negative, with Rotten Tomatoes only gauging 29% positive reviews. Roger Ebert gave it a half-star rating, criticizing it for excessive use of vulgar language and demeaning portrayal of women, describing it as a “train wreck” and finishing his review by bluntly stating “This film is not in a releasable condition”. Nathan Rabin at The A.V. Club said Pootie Tang “borders on audience abuse” and “confuse[s] idiocy for absurdity and randomness for wit”. However, a few years later, fellow A.V. Club writer Scott Tobias revisited the film and included it in his New Cult Canon series, noting that “Pootie Tang repelled mainstream critics and audiences, but it holds an exalted status among alt-comedians and fans of subversive anti-comedy in general”.

For you that want to refresh your memories about quotes from Pootie Tang movie, here are the list that we made for you. Enjoy

Pootie Tang Quotes

1) “Pootie Tang: Baby, I’m going to sine your pitty on the runny kine!”

2) “Pootie Tang: See, my damie, Pootie Tang don’t wa-da-tah to the shama cow… ’cause thats a cama cama leepa-chaiii, dig?”

“3) “”Pootie Tang: Cole me on the panny sty.
Bob Costas: …I’m sorry. What was that?
Pootie Tang: Cole – Cole me on the panny sty.
Bob Costas: What the hell are you talking about?
Pootie Tang: …Cole me down on the panny sty?
Bob Costas: Oh, cole me down on the panny sty! All right!”””

“4) “”Trucky: You can’t hurt a ho with a belt… they like that ****””
Yeah, he had that affect on people. Especially on the ladies. Not girls. Grown ass women. ”

5) “Trucky: That was only the second time someone had been mauled to death by a gorilla in that factory in that month!”


6) “J.B.: Pootie Tang will draw you a picture of how he gonna kick your ass, then mail it to you ten days in advance. The picture gets there right? You’re goin’, “What the hell is this?” and then Pootie Tang knocks on your door, Promptly kicks your ass and you still won’t know what happened to you!”

7) “Pootie Tang: Dirty Dee, you’re a baddy daddy lamatai tebby chai!”

8) “Pootie Tang: Sa da tay!”

“9) “”Dirty Dee: Pootie Tang! I come to call you out, maggoty eatin’ *bitch*!
Pootie Tang: Ain’t come one, but many tine tanies!”””

10) “Pootie Tang: Kapa-Chow.”

11) “Biggie Shorty: You think that just cuz a girl likes to dress fancy and stand on the corner next to some whores, that she’s hookin?”

12) “Trucky: He was rejuvenated. You hear that? Rejuvenated. He was juvenated before, lost it… and got juvinated again. Rejuvenated!”

13) “Pootie Tang: See, my damie, Pootie Tang don’t wa-da-tah to the shama cow… ’cause thats a cama cama leepa-chaiii, dig?”

14) “Trucky: It was incredible. Only the third time a man had been mauled by a gorilla at that steel mill, that month!”

“15) A: Pootie, do you have any girlfriends at school? B: Aww Mommadee, there’s a sine tibbity in a taxy. She’s a cole tony.
(SMACK!) Don’t you talk dirty to your momma, boy! ”

16) As long as you’ve got right on your side, you could whoop anyone’s ass with just that belt.

“17) Excuse me! while your working, mark has an announcement to make… HEY!!!! On your knees and let me blow my stack in you… JA-AMES!!! she’s good.. i’ve used her before.
your the bandit and i’m the classroom sher-riff. BANG BANG!!!
there are 4 people in this class.. you, you, you and others!! and theres still one galoo-ooon laughing.
YOUR HOT?!?! i have to wear a tie.. and pa-ants. LOOK AT MEEEEEEEE!!!”

18) Cole me down on the panty stye

19) Dirty Dee still dirty cuz he Dirty Dee damn it!

20) Get up on outta here. He don’t want none of your mess.

21) i just sharted

22) I know I brought you up tough, but that’s because I love you. It’s a tough world out there, Pootie.
You’ve got drugs….crime….gorillas.”

23) I know you loves the ladies, and lord knows the ladies loves you. Don’t let the ladies come between you and the belt.

24) ill sa yah pitty on deh runny kind

25) Ima cry to tha pootsta Ima cry to tha pootsta

26) POOTIE TOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!! POOTIE TOO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!

27) Pootie will whoop your ass so bad, you could write it off on your taxes! You got, right here: Ass whoopin number one. Ass whoopin number two. Oh, this right here, you can’t write this off, that’s just getting beat up.

28) We didn’t always know what he was saying, but we always knew what he meant.

29) Well, what Daddy Tang forgot to tell Pootie was about is only weakness: Hos. Even Pootie Tang’s belt was no match for Irene.

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes – National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is a 1989 American Christmas comedy film directed by Jeremiah S. Chechik. It is the third installment in National Lampoon’s Vacation film series, and was written by John Hughes, based on his short story in National Lampoon magazine, “Christmas ’59”. The film stars Chevy Chase, Beverly D’Angelo and Randy Quaid, with Juliette Lewis and Johnny Galecki as the Griswold children Audrey and Rusty, respectively.

At the time of the film’s release, the film received mixed to positive reviews; however, over time, many have cited it as a Christmas classic. Review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes reports that 64% of 36 film critics have given the film a positive review, with a rating average of 6.2 out of 10. The site’s consensus reads, “While Christmas Vacation may not be the most disciplined comedy, it’s got enough laughs and good cheer to make for a solid seasonal treat.”

We’ll bring some iconic quotation from National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation film for you and hope you all like it. Enjoy

National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation Quotes

Clark Griswold

1) “We’re gonna have the hap- hap- happiest Christmas.” — Clark Griswold

2) “Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where’s the Tylenol?” — Clark Griswold

3) “Looks great. Little full, lotta sap.” — Clark Griswold

4) “We’re at the threshold of hell.” — Clark Griswold

5) “Yes, its a bit nipply out, I mean nippy out.” — Clark Griswold

6) “If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised.” — Clark Griswold

7) “Can I refill your eggnog? Get you something to eat, drive you into the middle of nowhere, and leave you for dead?” — Clark Griswold

8) “Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass. Kiss his ass. Happy Hanukkah.” — Clark Griswold

9) Well I’m gonna park the cars and get the luggage, and well, I’ll be outside for the season

10) [the newel post is wobbly so Clark cuts it off with a chain saw] Fixed the newel post

11) LOTTA SAP in here. [Spits then gives an a-ok sign] Looks great! Little full, Lotta sap!!

12) The most enduring traditions of the season are best enjoyed in the warm embrace of kith and kin. Thith tree is a thymbol of the thspirit of the Grithwold family Chrithmath

13) I dedicate this house to the Griswold Family Christmas

14) Can’t see the line, can you Russ?. . . . . .

15) [Handing Christmas lights to Russ] Unravel these. We need to check every bulb. [Pulls out a huge tangle of lights] Oop. Little knot here, you can work on that. [Hands it to Russ]. .

16) Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse

17) Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here. . . with a big ribbon on his head! And I want to look him straight in the eye, and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?

18) Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination

19) [To Eddie] Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?

20) Going for a new amateur recreational saucer sled land speed record, Clark W. Griswold, Jr. Remember, don’t try this at home kids; I am a professional. Later dudes. Let ‘er rip. Hang ten!

Cousin Eddie

21) “If that thing had nine lives, she just spent ’em all.” — Cousin Eddie

22) “You about ready to do some kissin’?” — Cousin Eddie

23) If that thing had nine lives, he just spent ’em all

24) They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.

25) I don’t know if I oughta go sailin’ down no hill with nothin’ between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic.

26) [Clark Griswold stares in horror at Eddie draining the RV toilet into the sewer drain] Merry Christmas! Shitter was full!.

27) [walks in with a bound and gagged Mr. Shirley tied with a big red ribbon] Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas, Clark. [to Mr. Shirley] You about ready to do some kissing?

28) Clark, I’d like to try to fumigate this here chair, it’s a good quality item. If you don’t mind my askin’, how much did she set you back?.

29) He’s cute ain’t he? Only problem is, he’s got a little bit a Mississippi leg hound in ‘im. If the mood catches him right, he’ll grab your leg and just go to town. You don’t want him around if you’re wearing short pants, if you know what I mean. Word of warning though, if he does lay into ya, it’s best to just let ‘im finish

30) Over here? Well this is nothin. but if this gets dented then my hair just ain’t gonna look right

31) [After finding out that Clark is getting to be a member of the Jelly of the Month Club instead of getting his bonus] Clark, that’s the gift that keeps on giving the whole year.

Uncle and Aunty

32) “Sh*tter’s full.” — Uncle Eddie

33) “You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.” — Uncle Lewis

34) “Is Rusty still in the Navy?” — Aunt Bethany

35) [after reaching the Griswolds’ house] Is your house on fire, Clark?

36) It’s a funny, squeaky sound.

37) Hey Gris! If you’re not doing anything constructive, run into the living room and get my stogies!

38) [to Aunt Bethany] You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant!

Conversation

Todd Chester: (mockingly) Hey Griswold. Where do you think you’re gonna put a tree that big?
Clark: Bend over and I’ll show you.
Todd Chester: (angrily) You’ve got a lot of nerve talking to me like that, Griswold.
Clark: I wasn’t talking to you. [looking at his wife, Margo]

 

[While eating dinner, Uncle Lewis smokes a cigar and drops it. A flame engulfs in the living room for a split second. Clark notices it and walks into the living room]
Clark: Lewis?? [Tears up when he sees that his Christmas tree has been burnt into a crisp] MY TREE!
Uncle Lewis: What’s the matter with you?
Clark: Look what you’ve done to my tree!!! [Notices that Lewis is on fire in the back of his clothes] LEWIS! [Uses a curtain, grabs Lewis and pats his back to put out the fire]
[Others come in and look at the destroyed tree]
Art: It was an ugly tree anyway.
Uncle Lewis: I put it out of its’ misery.

 

Clark: Let’s burn some dust here, eat my rubber!
Rusty Griswold: Dad, I think what you mean is “burn rubber” and “eat my dust”.
Clark: Whatever Russ, whatever. Eat my road grit, Liver Lips!

 

[Clark is looking at lingerie, as a voluptuous saleswoman approaches]
Mary: Can I help you with anything?
Clark: Oh, I was just smelling – smiling. I was just blouse – browsing.
Mary: For your wife? For your girlfriend?
Clark: Uh… huh? What happened? I, uh, heh heh. [Mops his forehead with a pair of panties] Well, I guess it just wouldn’t… [Realizes what he’d done and puts the panties back] Oh hee hee, it wouldn’t be the Christmas shopping season if the stores were any less hooter than they – HOTTER than they are. Whew. It is warm in here, isn’t it?
Mary: You have your coat on.
Clark: Yes, oh do I? How’d that happen?
Mary: Because it’s cold out?
Clark: Yes, Yes, it is a bit nipply out. I mean ‘nippy out.’ [Laughs] What am I saying, nipple? Ah, there is a nip in the air, though.

 

Clark: ‘Tis the season to be merry.
Mary: That’s my name.
Clark: No shit.

 

Aunt Bethany: Is your house on fire, Clark?
Clark Griswold: No, Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.
Aunt Bethany: Don’t throw me down, Clark.
Clark Griswold: I’ll try not to, Aunt Bethany.

 

Ellen: Oh Aunt Bethany, you shouldn’t have done that.
Aunt Bethany: Oh dear, did I break wind?
Uncle Lewis: Great Scott, did the room clear out, Bethany? No way, she means presents. You shouldn’t have brought presents.

 

Uncle Lewis: Hey Gris, Bethany and I figured out the perfect gift for you.
Clark: Aw, you didn’t have to get me anything.
Uncle Lewis: Dammit, Bethany, he guessed it.

 

Aunt Bethany: This house is bigger than your old one. Is Rusty still in the Navy?
Ellen: Aunt Bethany, why don’t you go with Frances and Cathrine into the living room and say hello to everybody.
Aunt Bethany: Hello, everybody?
Ellen: Just in the living room…
Aunt Bethany: I should say it?
Ellen: You should say it.
Aunt Bethany: Hello, everybody!
Ellen: Hello, everybody.

 

Russ: Dad.
Clark: Yeah.
Russ: This box is meowing.
Clark: Let me see.
[Clark takes the present, shakes it, and a cat wildly meows]
Clark: She wrapped up her damn cat!
Ellen: Well, take it to the kitchen and open it up.
Clark: Then we’ll have a cat running around the house.
Ellen: We can’t leave it in the box.
Russ: Why would someone put a cat in a box?
Ellen: She gets confused, Rusty. She’s old. She and Uncle Louis don’t have much money, so she takes things from around the house, wraps them up, and gives them away as presents.
Russ: [Mock enthusiasm]Great! Can’t wait to see what I got.
Eddie: [comes in with another of Aunt Bethany’s gifts] This one here, it’s leakin’. [Ellen touches the liquid coming out with her finger and Eddie lick it] It’s lime!
Ellen: That would be her Jell-O mold.

 

Eddie: You surprised to see us, Clark?
Clark: Surprised Eddie?… If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am now.

 

Clark: Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead?
Eddie: Naw, I’m doing just fine, Clark.

 

Ellen: What are you looking at?
Clark: Oh, the silent majesty of a winter’s morn… the clean, cool chill of the holiday air… an asshole in his bathrobe, emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer…
[Eddie, in the driveway, is draining the RV’s toilet]
Eddie: [yells] Shitter was full!
Clark: Ah, yeah. You checked our shitters, honey?
Ellen: Clark, please. He doesn’t know any better.
Clark: He oughta know it’s illegal. That’s a storm sewer. If it fills with gas, I pity the person who lights a match within ten yards of it.

 

Ruby Sue: Rocky bit my thumb. Him’s nervous because Christmas is almost here.
Clark: Nervous or excited?
Ruby Sue: Shitting bricks.
Clark: You shouldn’t use that word.
Ruby Sue: Sorry. Shitting rocks.

 

Ellen: Clark, Audrey’s frozen from the waist down.
Clark: That’s all part of the experience, honey.

 

[Describing the metal plate in his head]

Eddie: Well, they replaced it with a plastic one ’cause every time Katherine revved up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for a half-hour or so. And it ain’t real sturdy so… I don’t know if I oughta go sailin’ down no hill with nothin’ between the ground and my brains but a piece of government plastic.
Clark: Do you really think it matters, Eddie?
Eddie: [gesturing over the left side of his head] Well, you see, the plate runs underneath my part here, and the other side… [bangs his right side] Nothing. But here, if this gets dented, then my hair just ain’t gonna look right.
Clark: Yeah, I know the feeling.

 

Eddie: [talking about Snots, Eddie’s dog] If you scratch his belly, Clark, he’ll love you till the day you die.
Clark: I really shouldn’t, Eddie, my hands are all chapped.

 

Margo: And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?
Todd: I don’t KNOW, Margo.

 

Margo: You just march over there and slug that creep in the face.
Todd: I can’t just attack someone.
Margo: All right then, if you’re not man enough to put an end to this junk, then I am.

 

Audrey: Do you sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is?
Ellen: Well, I’m sleeping with your father. Don’t be so dramatic.
Audrey: I have nightmares about what he does in his bed alone when I’m not lying right next to him.

 

Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany’s 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace.
Aunt Bethany: What dear?
Nora: Grace!
Aunt Bethany: Grace? Ohhh…She passed away thirty years ago…
Uncle Lewis: They want you to say grace…. [Bethany looks confused. Lewis emphasizes his words] The BLESS-ING!!!
Aunt Bethany: Oh.
[everyone at the table folds their hands in prayer and reverently bows their heads]
Aunt Bethany: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, [Clark makes a confused face towards Aunt Bethany] and to the republic for which it stands – one nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Clark: [Annoyed] Amen.

 

Aunt Bethany: What’s that sound? [everybody looks up, and returns to activities, then Clark starts hearing it] Do you hear it!? It’s a funny, squeaking sound.
Uncle Lewis: You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.

 

[after Clark fails at lighting all the exterior Christmas lights at the “lighting ceremony” in front of the entire family]
Art: [sarcastically] Beautiful, Clark.
Frances: Talk about spending your money away. I hope you kids see what a silly waste of resources this was.
Audrey Griswold: He worked really hard, Grandma.
Art: So do washing machines.

 

Clark: Russ, we checked every bulb, didn’t we?
Rusty: Sure, Dad.
Clark: Hmm… Maybe we ought to just go up there and check…
Rusty: Oh, woo. Look at the time. I gotta get to bed. I still gotta brush my teeth, feed the hog, still got some homework to do, still got those bills to pay, wash the car…

 

Clark: [a squirrel is loose in the house] Where is Eddie? He usually eats these goddamn things.
Catherine: Not recently, Clark, he read that squirrels were high in cholesterol.

 

[As Clark is trying to catch the loose squirrel]
Clark: Russ, go get the hammer.
Ellen: Clark, what do you need a hammer for?
Clark: I’m gonna catch it in the coat… And smack it with the hammer.
Ellen: You are not going to kill that squirrel in front of all these kids!
Clark: Well honey, what do you suggest?

 

Clark Sr: (extreme close up) SQUUUIIIIRRRREEELLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Uncle Lewis: Hey Gris, if you’re not doing anything constructive, run into the living room and get my stogies.
Clark: Is there anything else I can do for you, Uncle Lewis?
Ellen: He’s an old man. This may be his last Christmas.
Clark: If he keeps it up, it will be his last Christmas.

 

Clark: Hey, kids, I heard on the news that an airline pilot spotted Santa’s sleigh on its way in from New York City. [the kids sit up excitedly]
Eddie: [after a pause] You serious, Clark?

 

Clark: I simply solved the problem. We needed a coffin… Er, a tree. There are no lots open on Christmas Eve. Lewis burned down my tree so I replaced it as best I could. Voilà.
Ellen: Are you okay?

 

Art: The little lights aren’t twinkling.
Clark: I know, Art. And thanks for noticing.

 

[Snots is choking under the table making it shake]
Clark: Uh, Eddie? What’s wrong with the dog?
[Snots gags again, table shakes]
Eddie: (Looks under table) Oh, he’s just yakkin’ on a bone.
[Snot coughs up the bone]
Eddie: He got it up. He’s alright, now.

 

Clark: Our holidays were always such a mess.
Clark Sr.: Oh, yeah.
Clark: How’d you get through it?
Clark Sr.: I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.

 

Ruby Sue: Uncle Clark, are you sure you ain’t Santa Claus?
Clark: I’m sure… I can’t even afford to be an elf.

 

Clark: Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no! We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. [Ellen gives him a glare for his language] And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse!
Art: You’re goofy.
Clark: Don’t piss me off, Art.
Ellen: Clark, it’s over.
Clark: Not according to Santa’s watch, it isn’t.
Clark, Sr.: Clark.
Clark: Stay out of this, Dad.
Ellen: Clark, I think it’s be best if everyone went home… before things get worse.
Clark: Worse?! How could things get any worse? Take a look around you, Ellen! We’re at the threshold of Hell!!

 

Ellen: You set standards that no family activity can live up to.
Clark: When have I ever done that?
Ellen: Birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays, vacations, graduations…

 

Clark: My cousin-in-law, whose heart is bigger than his brain…
Eddie: I appreciate that, Clark.
Clark: …is innocent.

 

Clark: [yells] RUSS?
Russ: Right here, Dad.

 

Art: [After Lewis accidentally burned up the Griswolds’ tree] It was an ugly tree anyway.
Uncle Lewis: At least it’s out of its misery!

 

[Clark has just lost his tree and found out he had been stiffed on his Christmas bonus. He stalks outside the house, with his chainsaw.]

Audrey: Uh oh, he’s got that crazy look in his eye.
Russ: I told you we should’ve gone to Hawaii!
Ellen: CLARK, TURN THAT THING OFF AND GET IN THE HOUSE!
Russ: I’ll go talk to him. [He walks up to Clark] You know, Dad, I’ve been thinking…[Clark turns and stares crazily at Russ, his running chainsaw pointed in Russ’ direction]…Good talk, Dad!