Step Brother Quotes That Hilarious And Ridiculous

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Step Brother Quotes – Brennan Huff and Dale Doback are both about 40 when Brennan’s mom and Dale’s dad marry. The sons still live with the parents so they must now share a room. Initial antipathy threatens the household’s peace and the parents’ relationship. Dad lays down the law: both slackers have a week to find a job. Out of the job search and their love of music comes a pact that leads to friendship but more domestic disarray compounded by the boys’ sleepwalking. Hovering nearby are Brennan’s successful brother and his lonely wife: the brother wants to help sell his step-father’s house, the wife wants Dale’s attention, and the newlyweds want to retire and sail the seven seas.

Step Brothers received mixed reviews from critics. On Rotten Tomatoes, the film has a rating of 55%, based on 180 reviews, with an average rating of 5.5/10. The site’s critical consensus reads, “The relentless immaturity of the humor is not a total handicap for this film, which features the consistently well-matched talents of Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly.”At the website Metacritic, which utilizes a normalized rating system, the film has a score of 51 out of 100, based on 33 critics, indicating “mixed or average reviews”.

However some of us still favorits this movie and want to recall the quotes on it. So here are the lists.

Step Brother Quotes

“I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.” — Dale

“My mom is being eaten by a dog and there’s nothing I can do!” — Brennan

“I’m fucking miserable, I had to get up at 10 o’clock this morning.” — Dale

“Today I saw my own son use a bicycle as a weapon. You yelled ‘rape’ at the top of your lungs.” — Nancy

“That’s so funny the last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur — Dale

“Dane Cook, pay–per–view, 20 minutes, let’s go!” — Derek

“Why are you so sweaty?” — Dale “I was watching Cops — Brennan

“You know what gets my dick hard? Helping out my friends ” — Derek

“I still hate you, but you have a pretty good collection of nudie magazines.” — Brennan

“You don’t even look good when you’re singing ” — Derek

“One time I wrestled a giraffe to the ground with my bare hands ” — Dale

“Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one. Go!” — Dale

“You and your mom are hillbillies, This is a house of learned doctors.” — Dale

“Dad, what are you doing? It’s ‘Shark Week’!” — Dale

“I’m not great at this Hallmark stuff, but Brennan, when I look at you now, I don’t want to kick you in the head quite as much.” — Derek,

“What poem is that from? Is that James Joyce?” — Brennan

“I want to roll you into a little ball and shove you up my vagina — Alice

“I traveled 500 miles to give you my seed!” — lumberjack Brennan

“We sail around the world and go port to port / Every time I come I produce a quart” — Prestige Worldwide, “Boats ‘n’ Hos”

“Brennan, that is the voice of an angel. Brennan I can’t even make eye contact with you right now. Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.” — Dale

“This is going to sound weird, but for a second, I think you took on the shape of a unicorn.” — Dale

“I feel like a lightning bolt hit the tip of my penis!” — Brennan

“So many activities!” — Brennan

“Did we just become best friends?” — Brennan

“Maybe someday we could become friends, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale.” — Brennan

” Nancy Huff: You don’t know anyone named Johnny Hopkins.
Brennan Huff: It was Johnny Hopkins, and Sloan Kettering. And they were blazin’ that s**t up every day. ”

Brennan Huff: I used to smoke pot with John Hopkins. It was Johnny Hopkins and Sloan Kettering, and they would blaze that shit every day.

“Dale Doback: Dad, I’m doing this because I love you. Fuck you.
Dr. Robert Doback: Anything else?
Dale Doback: No, bon voyage! Have a great time!”

Dale Doback: It was the Asbestos in the house, that’s what did it!

” Dale Doback: You and your mom are hillbillies. This is a house of learning doctors.
Brennan Huff: you’re not a doctor. you’re a big fat curly headed fuck. ”

Brennan Huff: Hey Derek, Sprechen ze dick!!!

Dale Doback: I am warning you, if you touch my drums, I will stab you in the neck with a knife.

“Dale Doback: OK on the count of three name your favourite dinosaur, don’t even think about it just do it. 1, 2, 3
Brennan Huff: Philosoraptor
Dale Doback: Philosoraptor
Brennan Huff: Favourite non-pornographic magazine to masturbate to.
Dale Doback: Good Housekeeping.
Brennan Huff: Good Housekeeping
Brennan Huff: If you were a chick who’s the one guy you’d sleep with?
Dale Doback: John Stamos.
Brennan Huff: John Stamos”

“Dale Doback: Dad please shut up
Brennan Huff: PLEASE SHUT UP!”

Brennan Huff: I’m gonna fill, a pillow case, full of bars of soap, and beat the shit out of you!

Brennan Huff: You keep your liver spotted hands off of my beautiful mother! She’s a saint!

“Brennan Huff: oh ya? oh ya? well you’r a curly headed fuck!
Brennan Huff: You’re not a doctor… you’re a big, fat, curly-headed fuck!”

“Derek: Or Randy here is going to eat your dick…
Randy: Like Kobayashi!”

Brennan Huff: I have a belly full of white dog crap in me, and now you lay this shit on me?

“Dale Doback: Did you rub your balls on my drums.
Brennan Huff: No, I was watching cops.
Dale Doback: I know for a fact that cops doesn’t come on till 4:00.”

Dale Doback: It’s just like cold case files, it’s just like cold case files.

Brennan Huff: I’m not gonna call him dad not even if their’s a fire.

“Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On planet bull shit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of this sucks camel dick!”

Brennan Huff: If you’re referring to me as butt buddy, then yes, I do have a name: and it’s Brennan Huff.

“Brennan Huff: Dale: (Sarcastically laughs) Last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.
Dale Doback: [sarcastically laughs] Last time I heard that I laughed so hard I fell off my dinosaur.”

Brennan Huff: Last week i put liquid paper on a bee… And it died.

” Dale Doback: Here’s a scenario for you. Lets say Nancy catches me getting out of the shower. And she thinks I look good. And she sees my chest pubes all the way down to my ball fro, and she says iv’e had the old bull, now I want the old calve. Then she grabs me by the wiener.
Dale Doback: Suppose Nancy sees me coming out of the shower and decides to come on to me. I’m looking good, got a luscious V of hair going through my chest pubes down to my ball fro. She takes one look at me and goes, “” Oh, my God, I’ve had the old bull, now I want the young calf,”” and she grabs me by the weiner.
Dr. Robert Doback: DALE SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Doctor: SHUT THE FUCK UP! ”

” Brennan Huff: I tea bagged your drum set!
Dale Doback: Oh yeah,well my drum set’s a guy,so that makes you gay! ”

“Dr. Robert Doback: Alright thats it! You guys leave me no choice! No television for a week!
Dale Doback: WHAT!?
Nancy Huff: We are so serious!
Brennan Huff: You’re fuckin high!
Nancy Huff: This remote goes in Roberts room…and it stays there…
Brennan Huff: This house is a fuckin prison!
Dale Doback: On planet bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of this sucks camel dicks!”

Dale Doback: You and your mom are hilbillies. This is a house of learned doctors.

Brennan Huff: When you fall asleep, I’m gonna punch you square in the face

“Dale Doback: You should have never let us make bunkbeds! It was a terrible idea! There’s blood everywhere!
Dale Doback: Dad, Nancy, it’s bad. It’s so bad. There’s blood everywhere. Those bunk beds were a terrible idea. Why’d you let us do that? It’s so bad!”

Brennan Huff: I’ve been called the songbird of my generation by people who’ve heard me. That good.

Brennan Huff: You geriatric f***! You better keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother, who is a saint, or else I’ll shove one of your hearing devices up your ass so you can hear the sound of your own small intestines producing shit!

” Dale Doback: OK, imagine this – I’m stepping out of the shower. I’m looking good. I have a nice V of chest pubes going all the way down to my ball fro. Nancy takes one look at me, and thinks, ‘I got the old bull. Now I want the young calf.’ And she grabs me by the wiener…
Dr. Robert Doback: SHUT THE F*** UP!!!! ”

“Nancy Huff: Dr. Doback when to Northwestern and John Hopkins. Is that good enough for you?
Brennan Huff: No.
Nancy Huff: Those are very prestigious schools.
Brennan Huff: I smoked weed once with Johnny Hopkins. He was blazin that shit up every day.”

“Dr. Robert Doback: Is this your purse in the freezer?
Nancy Huff: Yes … it’s Brennan … he sleepwalks.
Nancy Huff: Yes, it’s Brennan… he sleepwalks.
Dr. Robert Doback: Are you serious? Dale sleepwalks, too. Check the oven.
Nancy Huff: Couch pillows.”

Alice: I pleasured myself this evening to the image of you punching my husband.

Dr. Robert Doback: When I was a kid, when I was a little boy, I always wanted to be a dinosaur, I wanted to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex more than anything in the world, I made my arms short and I roamed the back yard, I chased the neighborhood cats, I growled and I roared, everybody knew me and was afraid of me, and one day my dad said “Bobby you are 17, it’s time to throw childish things aside” and I said “OK Pop”, but he didn’t really say that he said that “Stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job”.

Dale Doback: Okay, here’s the shot out of the cannon: Oprah, Barbara Walters, your wife. You gotta fuck one, marry one, kill one, go!

Dale Doback: The only reason you’re living here is because me and my dad decided that your mom was really hot, and maybe we should just both bang her, and we’ll put up with the retard in the meantime.

” Derek: I have to sell or lease at last 80 helicopters to make my nut. And you… You mess with my nut, Brennan, Randy here is gonna eat your dick.
Randy: Like Kobayashi.
Randy: [makes eating noise]
Derek: I’ve seen him do it.
Brennan Huff: You’ve actually seen him eating a man’s penis?
Derek: It was in international waters, so they couldn’t prosecute him. But I saw it.”

” Dale Doback: Why do you have Randy Jackson’s autograph on a martial arts weapon?
Brennan Huff: Cause I bumped into him and all I had on me was this samurai sword… And you’re not gonna not get Randy Jackson’s autograph, Right?
Dale Doback: I would’ve done the exact same thing.”

Brennan Huff: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I will kick you repeatedly in the balls, Gardocki!

” Brennan Huff: I have a green belt… read it and weep.
Dale Doback: I don’t believe in belts.”

” Derek: I am the VP of the biggest executive helicopter leasing company on the western seaboard. I haven’t had a carb since 2004. Check these out.
[Points to ab muscles]
Derek: See these? See these boys? This is what I live with, every day. I lather this up with Kiehls in the shower. You want to touch this shit?
Dale Doback: No.
Derek: You want to touch these bad boys? Sorry, not gonna happen.”

” Dr. Robert Doback: [they start getting hot and heavy] My name is Robert, and I play racquetball. I collect coins.
[breathes heavily]
Dr. Robert Doback: Sweet Jesus! I love Korean food!
Nancy Huff: [breathing heavily] I am Nancy Huff; I know how to make Tandoori Chicken.
[continues undressing]
Nancy Huff: I contribute to NPR every single year…
[pause]
Nancy Huff: … and I love the movies of Rob Reiner! Pilates changed my life!
[they continue making out while stripping off their clothes]
Dr. Robert Doback: [they make out on the bed] I have a boat, and I wanna retire and sail around the world…
Nancy Huff: Oh, I LOVE the sea!
[they kiss and embrace each other]
Dr. Robert Doback: And I drive a Mercedes and I have a 40-year-old son, Dale, who still lives at home!
[pause]
Nancy Huff: [rises from the bed and looks down at him, shocked] What did you *just* say?
Dr. Robert Doback: [sulks] Oh! I knew I shouldn’t have told you that!
Nancy Huff: I have a 39-year-old son named Brennan- who still lives at home with me!
[they begin to have sex]”

“Dr. Robert Doback: [at his wedding ceremony] I would like to thank all of you… for being here with us on this fantastic, wonderful day! And I would like to raise my glass; Dale and I wanna welcome you to our home with open arms!
Dale Doback: [abruptly gets up out of his chair and throws his plate, rolling his eyes] UGH! Get a room, Dad!
Dr. Robert Doback: [as Dale walks out] Oh for chris- Dale!”

Brennan Huff: I’m so scared right now. I’m just gonna to do what’s sensible, I’m gonna file for unemployment. Then I’m gonna try to get a job at Enterprise Rent-A-Car, because they got an excellent corporate structure and they… *they* give *you* the tools to be your own boss.

“Dale Doback: I manage a baseball team.
Nancy Huff: Oh, little league?
Dale Doback: Fantasy league.”

” Dale Doback: We’re in the bathroom!
Alice: This’ll just take a minute. There’s really little you can do about it. Let me just hop on.
[suddenly opens his pants and mounts him against the wall]
Dale Doback: It’s all slippery!”

” Dr. Robert Doback: You have one month to find jobs or you’re out on your asses. I will arrange interviews for Monday and you will go!
Dale Doback: Dad, why are you talking to me like this? I’m your son.
Dr. Robert Doback: I’m not buying that crap anymore!”

“Nancy Huff: [During Christmas Dinner. Tiffany is 12] What about you Tiffany, what did you get for Christmas?
Tiffany: I got this Mikimoto pearl necklace, but next year I’m gonna ask Santa for breast implants because I’m impatient with my body.”

” Brennan Huff: This house is a fucking prison!
Dale Doback: On Planet Bullshit!
Brennan Huff: In the galaxy of This Sucks Camel Dicks!”

“Brennan Huff: I’m not gonna call him Dad.
Nancy Huff: Brennan, you’re 39 years old. I wouldn’t expect you to call him Dad.
Brennan Huff: Well I’m not going to, *ever*! Even if there’s a fire!”

” Male Therapist: So, Dale. I don’t know how much you know about therapy, but it usually starts by you telling me a little something about yourself.
Dale Doback: I work at a college as a janitor even though I feel like I’m smarter than most of the people who go there. Sometimes I see an equation written on a blackboard like half an equation and… I just figure it out.
Male Therapist: Is this Good Will Hunting?
Dale Doback: No.
Male Therapist: It sounds a lot like the plot of Good Will Hunting.
Dale Doback: Yeah, anyway. My best friend is Ben Affleck…”

” Dr. Robert Doback: You jagaloons! You’re failures! FAILURES!
Brennan Huff: Hey, you’re embarrassing yourself, you geriatric fuck!
Nancy Huff: Brennan.
Brennan Huff: Two things: You keep your liver-spotted hands off my beautiful mother. She’s a saint! And then you sit down and you write Dale and Brennan a check for $10,000.
Nancy Huff: Oh, stop it! Stop it right…
Brennan Huff: Or I’m gonna shove one of those fake hearing devices so far up your ass…
Nancy Huff: Brennan!
Brennan Huff: …you can hear the sound of your small intestine as it produces shit!”


Brennan Huff: I swear, I’m so pissed off at my mom. As soon as she’s of age, I’m putting her in a home.”

” Dale Doback: I’m just saying, you need to think about your options. I know you two are technically married but that does not mean that they have to live here.
Dr. Robert Doback: Dale, I think it’s time for a change. For both of us.
Dale Doback: Dad, we’re men. That means a few things – we like to shit with the door open, we talk about pussy, we go on riverboat gambling trips, and we make our own beef jerky. That’s what we do, and now that is all wrecked.
[brief pause]
Dr. Robert Doback: We literally have never done any of those things.”

“Denise: So, I thought we’d begin talking about your parents’ divorce.
Brennan Huff: Okay.
Denise: How old were you when they got divorced?
Brennan Huff: Fifteen.
Denise: That’s a hard age.
Brennan Huff: Yes. Yeah.
Denise: Do you want to talk about some of those feelings?
Brennan Huff: I love you.
Denise: Obviously… you don’t know me.
Brennan Huff: I love you so much.
Denise: Thank you, and I will take that as a feeling that you have of… comfortability with me.
Brennan Huff: It’s more than comfortability. I mean, I fuckin’ love you.
Denise: Okay, I… think…
Brennan Huff: I’m just thinking about our life together. I feel like I’m walking on a cloud. My penis is tingling right now.
Denise: That is so… off-putting.
Brennan Huff: You’re not feeling this?
Denise: In no way, shape, or form do I feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever.”

” Brennan Huff: You know what? I still hate you, but you got a pretty awesome collection of nudie mags.
Dale Doback: Yeah, I got ’em from the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. It’s like masturbating in a time machine.”

” Derek: You can have some dope parties on this lawn.
Second Homebuyer Husband: You don’t have to talk like that. You can just say it’s nice.
Derek: Nah, that’s how I talk. Look at this door, it’s fresh.”

” Nancy Huff: Brennan, Denise called and she said she can’t spend New Years Eve with you because she’s not your girlfriend she’s your therapist
Brennan Huff: Is that what she said? She’s a rascal.”

Dale Doback: [Talking to an employment agency worker] Look, I wanna’ be honest with you. I really need a job. And, I will take any position – as long as it doesn’t involve having sex with old ladies for money, or bear traps. Those are my two bugaboos.

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